


gonna stay 'til I can't remember my name anymore

by isawritinyoureyes



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, High School, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, No Smut, Oneshot, Soulmates, angst I guess?, but it's not that bad, it's really fluffy too though, louis is a sap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-08-27 08:17:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8394151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isawritinyoureyes/pseuds/isawritinyoureyes
Summary: So, Louis fucked up. Big time. The thing is he doesn't exactly know what he supposedly did, he's got absolutely no clue whatsoever. It isn't like he didn't try to find out – 'cause he did – but to no avail. The only reason why he even knows he must have done something really bad this time is because Harry isn't talking to him – like not at all. No answered calls or texts (which is fucking horrible, okay? Because they text each other all the damn time and Louis hates not being able to text Harry shit like 'stop being cute, ya weirdo' during lit class when Harry would scrunch up his face in the way he always does when he concentrates on something really hard and then he would blush and shake his head when he reads Louis' message, small smile on his face). He won't even spare him as much as a look.or Louis fucked up. Harry is hurt. It's all Lottie's fault.





	

So, Louis fucked up. Big time. The thing is he doesn't exactly know _what_ he supposedly did, he's got absolutely no clue whatsoever. It isn't like he didn't try to find out – 'cause he did – but to no avail. The only reason why he even knows he must have done something really bad this time is because Harry isn't talking to him – like not at all. No answered calls or texts (which is fucking horrible, okay? Because they text each other all the damn time and Louis hates not being able to text Harry shit like _'stop being cute,_ _ya_ _weirdo_ _'_ during lit class when Harry would scrunch up his face in the way he always does when he concentrates on something really hard and then he would blush and shake his head when he reads Louis' message, small smile on his face). He won't even spare him as much as a look.

This just never happened before, not in those two years they have known each other for. Not ever. Of course they have been arguing about stupid little things that nobody remembers anymore anyway but not like this. _Two_ _weeks_. That's the amount of time that has passed since Harry has properly looked at him, talked to him. And it's fucking ridiculous. Awful. Whatever. 

They're best friends but they don't work like usual best friends do, is the thing. They're _louisandharry_. Soulmates would probably be a more fitting term but Louis won't quite admit that yet – even though he _knows_. He knows that what he has with Harry isn't ever going to go away, is gonna stay until he can't even remember his own name anymore. And it's a little terrifying, isn't it? But they are meant to me, Louis knows – has probably known it since he met the boy two years ago when Harry moved from Holmes Chapel to Doncaster and started to go to the same High School as Louis. 

He may or may not be in love with his best friend but nobody needs to know.

Lottie is the only one who (god knows how) found out. When Louis asked her how she knew, she just shrugged and muttered something like ' _You're as subtle as a brick, bro._ ' Which left Louis a little confused and wondering who else might have caught on to his...well, feelings, he guesses. He decided to act like it never happened. His and Harry's relationship is nobody's business anyway. 

  


So, here Louis is. In front of the Styles house on a Friday afternoon and he feels awkward. See, usually Louis and Harry walk back home together after school without exception. Today though like everyday since their fight (or whatever _this_ is) Louis didn't even have a chance to catch up to Harry after his last class. Apparently he got a ride from one of his classmates who's name Louis doesn't even know which shows how messed up this situation is 'cause Louis knows everything about Harry including who he talks to and whatnot. He tries not to feel how his heart constricts when he thinks about it. 

He thinks about a thousand ways of apologizing for something he doesn’t even know he did while staring at the front door of the Styles household. Every other day Louis wouldn't even think twice about taking the backdoor before sneaking into Harry's room but that doesn't seem quite appropriate right now. He knows how to respect boundaries, at least when it comes to Harry. 

He takes a deep breath, cool autumn air filling his lungs, before knocking the door. He doesn't know why he suddenly feels so nervous. No actually he knows pretty well why he doesn't want to lose the best thing that's ever happened to him. Maybe he is being a bit dramatic right now but god knows he really can't stand the slightest of possibilities of losing the best person he ever met, ever will. So yeah he thinks it's quite reasonable for him to feel a little uncertain, to say the least. 

He keeps his head down and stares at his dirty vans while shuffling back and forth until he hears the door creak open and snaps his head up. 

He stops breathing. 

Green eyes are staring into his blue ones and this is the first time in weeks Harry is properly looking at him and Louis can't fucking breath. God, he misses him.  

His brain feels absolutely blank, so before he can even get a word out, Harry talks. 

"You're an asshole," he bites with a stern look, playing with his sweater paws. Fucking sweater paws honestly. Who is this kid. He looks tired, Louis notes, still not breathing because he just heard Harry's voice since forever and that is...a start. It wasn't exactly what Louis was expecting to hear to be honest but he can work with that – at least Harry doesn't flee this time. 

He clears the lump in his throat. "Harry..," his voice breaks anyway. He is fighting tears and before Harry has the chance to see he averts his eyes because what the fuck. Why are his eyes watering. 

But of course Harry already knows 'cause he's Harry and he knows Louis if the hurt look on his face when Louis takes another look at him is anything to go by. Louis sighs. 

"Can we just...," he begins. "Can you please just let me in and make me tea and give me cuddles and talk to me about how your day went like we always do?" he doesn't know where he is going with this, he swallows hard and continues anyway. "I- Can you tell me what I did?" he whispers the last part. 

Harry keeps his eyes on the floor, his curls are tied into a bun just how Louis likes it. He looks lovely. 

Harry sighs before turning around and beginning to walk up the stairs. He keeps the door open though which Louis takes as an invitation. He follows him up after closing it. 

He hates this - absolutely hates seeing Harry hurt. He feels like shit. Not that he hasn't felt like shit the past two weeks but this is different. He hates himself for hurting Harry. 

He enters Harry's room who just stands there in the center in front of his bed, arms crossed before his chest and looking the most uncomfortable Louis has ever seen him. And it's _his_ fault.  

Louis doesn't know where to start – doesn't even know what he is supposed to say, doesn't know if he is allowed to close Harry's bedroom door. He chooses to take a step closer. 

Harry takes a step back. 

Ouch. 

Louis' had enough. "I don’t know-" he starts while pinching his thigh through his jeans. "-what I did and I really tried to figure it out, you know? ..and I can't stand this anymore 'cause, Harry, you mean so much to me, you know that," he has to swallow again. "Could you like- could you please talk to me?" 

Maybe this was the wrong thing to say because Harry's got this stern look on his face again that he only ever gets when he is really mad (and Harry isn't angry often because he's a really fucking great understanding person at all times – not this time though). 

"Do I really?" Harry asks, almost trying to sound unaffected but Louis knows he is. "-mean so much to you?" he continues and Louis doesn't understand. 

"What-" 

"No," Harry stops him. Then he momentarily turns around and grabs something off the bed before holding it out for Louis to take. 

 _Fuck_. 

 _No_ _no_ _no_ _no_ _no_. 

It's _the_ letter. 

"Is this just a joke to you?" Harry asks now. "Just some sick joke you decided would be a good idea?" his voice sounds cold, biting. Louis has never heard him like this before. "Lou-," he shakes his head and looks like it physically pains him to say Louis' name out loud. "It's not a joke to me," he whispers, broken. 

Louis still doesn't understand but he knows what the letter says – knows every word he wrote down. He feels cold, stays frozen because how is this happening? Harry hates him because he _knows_. 

"How...," Louis doesn't know what to say in the slightest. He takes the letter with a trembling hand and his chest feels so tight he might actually have a panic attack. 

Harry speaks and it's not his usual slow drawl, he is talking fast when he says, "You can't just give me this and then act like nothing ever happened. Do you know how much this actually hurts me? Someone doesn't just write things like that and then ignore it, call me your best _friend_!" he nearly shouts, saying the word _friend_ as if he's disgusted by it. "You don't make fun of someone like that," his voice sounds so broken now. "You can't make fun of my...my feeling for you." 

The thing is, _the_ letter hasn't even been something Louis ever considered actually giving to Harry. It was a way of expressing and processing his feelings (or whatever) because Lottie said something about how he has to learn to deal with his emotions and writing could actually help figuring things out and Louis – believe it or not – enjoys writing quite a bit but he never considered writing about something so personal. Who is he kidding, he writes a bunch of (really shitty) poems and stuff about Harry every single day but he never wrote a confession of his undying love. Until one night when he couldn't hold it in anymore. He may or may not have been a bit tipsy (or drunk, whatever). 

' _Dear Harry,_  
_lovely, lovely Harry,_  
  
_Do you know how lovely you are?_  
_So lovely it hurts. Hurts my heart, it'_ _s ridiculous._  
_You with your lovely curls and lovely smile and lovely everything._  
_I can't stand it. I_ _wanna_ _kiss you – like all the time, have you noticed?_  
_God, your eyes. They're lovely too. Of course they are. Green, so green. I love them._ _Wanna_ _look at you all the fucking time._  
_But not only that, you're literally the best human being on this planet. The kindest. The prettiest._  
_I don't deserve you – not one bit. But sometimes I feel like maybe I do a little, whenever I make you smile or you look at me with that look you only ever have when you look at me, no one else. Do I make you happy? Maybe I deserve to make you happy._  
_I'm so in love with you it hurts. Is that even possible? I don't ever know anything when I think about you. Just that I love you. That's it._  
  
_Yours sincerely,_  
_Louis_ ' 

"Was it all just a joke or- or did you change your mind? ..Did I do something wrong?" Harry mutters quietly, not daring to look Louis in the eye. It breaks Louis' heart. 

He thinks he starts to understand. However Harry got his letter, it wasn't him (he suspects Lottie had something to do with it) but he clearly thinks Louis knew. When they last spoke over two weeks ago Harry must have expected Louis to say something about it which he obviously didn't because he didn't even know about Harry knowing about the letter. What a mess. Louis also vaguely remembers telling Harry how he is the best _friend_ he could ever wish for when they had their last conversation. 

Louis takes a few steps forward and this time Harry doesn't immediately flinch away. He takes both of Harry's hands in his. The letter falling to the floor, Louis couldn't care less about the stupid fucking letter when he's got a hurt Harry in front of him, trying to avoid Louis' eyes. 

"Harry, I could never change my mind about you," he tries just as quiet as Harry before while stroking over his knuckles. "I love you. So much." 

Harry starts crying. 

 _Shit_.

Tears are slowly running down his cheeks, Louis tries to wipe them away with his thumbs. 

"I didn't know you had the letter. I swear. It wasn't me. I-," Louis can't breath. "I didn't intend to give it to you...maybe someday but not-," he sighs. 

"Oh," Harry's cheeks feel hot under Louis's hands. He runs them down his sides to see the blush creeping up his neck. Like this, he reminds Louis so much of the boy he was when they met two years ago – all shy and embarrassed under Louis' attention. "I feel so stupid," he shakes his head. "I should've asked you about it. I found the letter in my locker so I thought you just didn't have the guts to give it to me personally..," he explains in his usual slow drawl now. 

"It's okay, love," Louis mutters gently. 

"No, it's not, " he snaps his eyes up so Louis can finally see him properly. "I- I should have...I thought...," he stops when Louis leans in until their foreheads  are touching. Harry smells like lavender. He loves this boy so much. 

Harry takes a breath until he asks in a whisper, almost like he is ashamed, still blushing. "Can you tell me again?" so quietly that Louis couldn't even hear if he wasn't this close. 

And Louis knows what he means – of course he does.  

"I love you. I'm _in love_ with you." 

Next thing he knows is that Harry's lips are pressed gently against his own. They're as soft as he always thought they would be. It's brief but so, _so_ sweet and lovely. It's the best kiss Louis has ever had (and also kind of his first but nobody needs to know about that). His heart might actually burst from affection. 

"I love you, too. So fucking much, Louis." 

This boy might actually be the death of him. 

 

Later, when they are snuggled up in bed together, Harry's head on Louis' chest, empty tea mugs on the nightstand and after sharing more kisses that left them both breathless, Louis plays with Harry's curls like he always does. He is in love with an actual kitten. Who purrs. His boyfriend is ridiculous. 

 _Boyfriend_. Sounds about right. He grins like a Cheshire cat at the mere thought. 

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" Harry asks then. 

"Told you what, baby?" 

Harry fucking _purrs_ again at the nickname. Louis feels quite pleased with himself. 

"That you liked me like that, " he elaborates. 

Louis swallows. "Ehm- I-," he has been a bloody coward. "Harry, I was just scared, okay? You're everything to me. I couldn't risk that, " he finishes lamely. After all it's the truth. 

Harry hums. "I had a massive crush on you since we met. I thought I was so obvious," he admits then. 

And Louis kind of wants to scream because this means he could've literally been Harry's boyfriend from the beginning. All the nights he lay awake thinking about his unrequited love, wallowing in self-pity. Okay, maybe he is being dramatic again but so what. It's not like he didn't know that he meant a whole lot to Harry as well – he just didn't think Harry, beautiful lovely Harry, would actually love him back. Like _that_. 

"Hey, none of that, " Harry interrupts his thoughts with a slight smile on his pretty face. "No regrets, yeah?" 

"Yeah," a nod. 

"Can I kiss you again?" 

"As if you need to ask, kitten," Louis says rolling his eyes. 

Harry groans and buries his face in Louis' neck. "I hate you." 

Louis laughs. It's amazing how flustered his boy gets whenever Louis finds a new nickname to call him. He loves it. "You love it when I call you kitten, don't you?" he doesn't even try to hide his pleased smirk. 

He gets a mumbled ' _shut up_ ' for an answer, followed by a passionate kiss. 

When they fall asleep curled up together they exchange ' _I_ _love_ _you_ 's' for the hundredth time ('cause they can't seem to stop saying it) and Louis has never been happier than in this moment. 

  


And yeah, he might have to thank Lottie for this later (after not talking to her for the next two weeks).

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo, this is my first fic. I literally just wrote it this morning. I'm slightly anxious about you guys' reaction? I enjoyed writing it and I hope you like it. Also, english is only my second language, so be gentle with me. I would love it if you left me a comment. :) xx
> 
> If you want you can come say Hi to me on tumblr: [i-sawr-it-in-your-eyes](http://i-sawr-it-in-your-eyes.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Please share my [fic post](http://i-sawr-it-in-your-eyes.tumblr.com/post/174560327626/gonna-stay-til-i-cant-remember-my-name-anymore) if you enjoyed it.


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